he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
