Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
