he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
