Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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