somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
