i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
