Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
