A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
