i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
