Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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