I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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