Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
