I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
