He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
