yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Where is the hickey?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
