No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
