I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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