He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
