Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
