The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
