hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
