i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
