airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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