I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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