Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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