yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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