boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
