I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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