either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize