She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
