A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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