There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
