So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
