Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
