my mouth tastes like poor choices
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Your penis caused this!
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