After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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