Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
