Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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