you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
