He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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