I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
