i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
