Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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