i love accidental penises.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
