I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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