i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
