he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
