I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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