Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
