I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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