We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
