he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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