And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
