Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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