I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
