you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
