I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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