you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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