I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
soo... how was my night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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