did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
