So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
