I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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