I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
