that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
