Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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