I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
