Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
