alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
