: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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