man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
