Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
