even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
