dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize