Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
