Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
