i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
