We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
