CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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