Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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