So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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