The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
