I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize