I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
vagina is talking i cant
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
