I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
