well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
