Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
