Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
