I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
